The Ring

The ring doesn't fit anymore and I'm not sure exactly why.
It won't budge or move; I can't force it on no matter how hard I try.

The finger's the same, the ring is the same, all the metal still intact.
So what has changed? What's gone on? And how can we go back?

But even though the ring is the same, the hand has grown quite a bit.
It's stronger and bigger than before; a years worth of life's hardest hits.

So I take off the ring, put it back in the box with the other memorable things.
It's time to bury the past, dig up my roots, and fly on those beautiful wings.

The ring still means a lot, but you can't live in the past or continue this youthful strife.
It's time to move on to new things, start a new chapter, and keep moving on with life.

Honor Thy Father and Mother

Today I was going through my planner trying to find an afternoon to have lunch with a few friends. While flipping through the pages I realized something. This week is going to be really busy, thus going by really fast. Next week is pretty open, but I'm sure that'll change really fast. The week after that is the last week of school and when all the craziness starts. I suddenly started freaking out.

It's that feeling where on one hand I could not be more excited to get back to the streets of Tokyo, see friends I haven't seen in nearly a year, and be on my own. On the other hand, I'm suddenly terrified and wishing I had more time with my parents. These last couple of months they have been AMAZING. As hard as I know it must be for them, they have let me have freedom. They let me spend time with my friends and go out with Gene nearly every single night...ok...literally... every night. ha. I have 3 weeks with them. They have given me WAY more than I could ever dream of. They love me even though I don't treat them the way I should all the time.

I haven't been home for father's day since 2005. This year will be no different. I think I've been so concentrated on honoring them with my life that I've neglected to honor them with my presence and appreciation.

Lord, help me not be selfish. Help me honor my parents the way they deserve to be honored.
Amen.

Take my hand, precious Lord

If you've never experienced the loss of a loved one, in all honesty, this entry won't mean much. You can empathize until your face turns blue, but you can't sympathize. Today marks two years since the passing of my Grandma Sally, but I believe she went to be with Jesus weeks before that. Still, May 8th is a hard day for me and, I hope, my family (although they don't show much emotion about what happened). Most people probably don't remember the exact day their grandparent passed away, but most people didn't have a grandma like mine. And she wasn't just my grandma...she was my best friend, my confidant.

Last year was the first year and probably the hardest. But today, with the news of a dear friend's engagement and the rekindling of a broken friendship, it was hard not to rejoice. I know Grandma Sally wouldn't want me grieving for her and I've known that for quite some time, but experiencing joy on a dark day has made me realize why. So today I do not write this out of grief or sadness, but out of joy; joy of the Lord's faithfulness, of two lives being joined (or the promise of that), and of the restoration of friendships. I rejoice in the footprints in my heart and my life left there by my grandma that are still visible.

I truly feel sorry for anyone who did not get the privilege to meet her sweet and kindred spirit. The least I can do is tell people about her. Grandma Sally was stubborn, which is obvious when you try to change my dad's mind! haha! She had red hair when she was younger, but was also very quiet and peaceful. I saw a picture one time of her riding a motorcycle with my grandpa when she still had red hair. It makes me laugh so much! Her favorite singer was Elvis. She had a clock of him that swung his hips back and forth, a rubber guitar key chain, and a guitar brioche that she kept on her heavy winter coat. I miss her like crazy, but am thankful that life keeps moving. I wish with every fiber of my being that she could be there to watch me walk across that stage, but loves that she walks on my heart everyday. I wish little Grace could be held by the great grandma she never met, but I'm thankful that Sally keeps her memory alive in the kid's hearts.

The shrieking of my aunt yelling out in anguish during the visitation still haunts me. She had been so calm and collected until that moment. But when she walked through those doors and saw the open casket she snapped and collapsed in my uncle's arms screaming "NO! NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!" I remember crying on my cousin Jon's shoulder and seeing him cry for the first time in my life. I remember my brother crying in the arms of his girlfriend (now fiance) and the beautiful music of my other aunt singing Grandma's favorite song for her. I remember breaking down in the car when I saw the police officer salute her as we drove into the cemetery and half laughing at the thought of how she would react if she saw all the commotion that was for her honor. The memories haunt me and I wonder if I'm the only one in my family that remembered today. It's not always easy, but beyond the shriek of my aunt was a cd playing. Grandma's favorite cd. Elvis Presley, Ultimate Gospel. Besides my aunt the visitation was pretty much a blur. But I do remember the song that played. A beautiful song that now strikes a chord in my heart every time I hear it.

Precious lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
Im tired, Im weak, Im lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

When my way grows drear precious lord linger near
When my light is almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call
Hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears and the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand
Guide my feet, hold my hand
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

Precious lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
Im tired, Im weak, Im lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk with the Lord.
3John1:4

blooming seeds

Right now I should be studying for my economics exam tomorrow, but I just had to write another entry! So much has happened this week and while I'm not exactly sure who reads this, I still want to let people know!

First off I must share with you that I am no longer in dire need of raising money for this summer!! Praise God!!! I know it is only by Him and His grace that it all came in! (And RIGHT in time, too!)

This week I've just been realizing how much people in my life have in fact, impacted my life! People and things from WAY back when that are still affecting my life now! More specifically, the people at my old church. It's been nearly four years since we left, but it seems like a lifetime! I recently put pictures up on facebook from prom. I was pleasantly surprised to see a comment from my old youth pastor! She jokingly said I wasn't old enough to be going to prom, but it brought back a flood of memories and faces flashed through my mind of people I haven't thought about in years. We exchanged a view messages and when I told her my plans for the summer it made me think of the very first mission trips I went on...with her. It donned on my that the Lord used her to plant a seed in my heart for missions and doing things for others.

Ms. Anita planted a seed in my heart for children and soon I'll be going and getting my degree in elementary education! And there's a song we used to sing during church ALL the time. It was probably my favorite although I had no idea why at the time. I haven't heard it in years and years, and even when I stumbled across the chords I forgot how the tune actually went. It quickly came back to me. And now I realize why it was and is my favorite song.

They say everything happens for a reason and I completely believe that statement to be true. Sometimes it takes years to find out why. Sometimes it takes decades. And sometimes, it takes a lifetime. It's crazy for me to see now how the Lord was working in my heart before I even believed in Him. It's ancient work brought home for me. And now I pray that for Japan.

He is calling the Japanese to Him. He is drawing them near to His heart. They don't know Him, but He knows them. He loves them. Pray for them. Pray that the Lord will prepare their hearts. Pray for the people we will meet this summer. Pray for divine appointments. Jami and Heather leave in a week. The team leaves a month after that. The journeymen have been there for 1+ years. The missionaries have given their lives to reach these people. Pray for them. Pray for their strength physically and spiritually.

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:14-19


I, the Lord of sea and sky
I have heard my people cry
All who dwell in dark and sin
My hand will save:

I who made the stars and night
I will make the darkness bright
Who will bear my light to them?
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart

I the Lord of snow and rain,
I have borne my people's pain,
I have wept for love of them,
They turn away...

I will break their hearts of stone
Fill their hearts with love alone
I will speak my word to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart

I, the Lord of wind and flame
I will tend the poor and lame
I will set a feast for them
My hand will save:

Finest bread I will provide
Till their hearts be satisfied
I will give my life to them
Whom shall I send?

Here I am Lord
Is it I Lord?
I have heard you calling in the night
I will go Lord
If you lead me
I will hold your people in my heart