Take my hand, precious Lord

If you've never experienced the loss of a loved one, in all honesty, this entry won't mean much. You can empathize until your face turns blue, but you can't sympathize. Today marks two years since the passing of my Grandma Sally, but I believe she went to be with Jesus weeks before that. Still, May 8th is a hard day for me and, I hope, my family (although they don't show much emotion about what happened). Most people probably don't remember the exact day their grandparent passed away, but most people didn't have a grandma like mine. And she wasn't just my grandma...she was my best friend, my confidant.

Last year was the first year and probably the hardest. But today, with the news of a dear friend's engagement and the rekindling of a broken friendship, it was hard not to rejoice. I know Grandma Sally wouldn't want me grieving for her and I've known that for quite some time, but experiencing joy on a dark day has made me realize why. So today I do not write this out of grief or sadness, but out of joy; joy of the Lord's faithfulness, of two lives being joined (or the promise of that), and of the restoration of friendships. I rejoice in the footprints in my heart and my life left there by my grandma that are still visible.

I truly feel sorry for anyone who did not get the privilege to meet her sweet and kindred spirit. The least I can do is tell people about her. Grandma Sally was stubborn, which is obvious when you try to change my dad's mind! haha! She had red hair when she was younger, but was also very quiet and peaceful. I saw a picture one time of her riding a motorcycle with my grandpa when she still had red hair. It makes me laugh so much! Her favorite singer was Elvis. She had a clock of him that swung his hips back and forth, a rubber guitar key chain, and a guitar brioche that she kept on her heavy winter coat. I miss her like crazy, but am thankful that life keeps moving. I wish with every fiber of my being that she could be there to watch me walk across that stage, but loves that she walks on my heart everyday. I wish little Grace could be held by the great grandma she never met, but I'm thankful that Sally keeps her memory alive in the kid's hearts.

The shrieking of my aunt yelling out in anguish during the visitation still haunts me. She had been so calm and collected until that moment. But when she walked through those doors and saw the open casket she snapped and collapsed in my uncle's arms screaming "NO! NO! I CAN'T DO THIS! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!" I remember crying on my cousin Jon's shoulder and seeing him cry for the first time in my life. I remember my brother crying in the arms of his girlfriend (now fiance) and the beautiful music of my other aunt singing Grandma's favorite song for her. I remember breaking down in the car when I saw the police officer salute her as we drove into the cemetery and half laughing at the thought of how she would react if she saw all the commotion that was for her honor. The memories haunt me and I wonder if I'm the only one in my family that remembered today. It's not always easy, but beyond the shriek of my aunt was a cd playing. Grandma's favorite cd. Elvis Presley, Ultimate Gospel. Besides my aunt the visitation was pretty much a blur. But I do remember the song that played. A beautiful song that now strikes a chord in my heart every time I hear it.

Precious lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
Im tired, Im weak, Im lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

When my way grows drear precious lord linger near
When my light is almost gone
Hear my cry, hear my call
Hold my hand lest I fall
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

When the darkness appears and the night draws near
And the day is past and gone
At the river I stand
Guide my feet, hold my hand
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

Precious lord, take my hand
Lead me on, let me stand
Im tired, Im weak, Im lone
Through the storm, through the night
Lead me on to the light
Take my hand precious lord, lead me home

I have no greater joy than to know that my children walk with the Lord.
3John1:4