Captivated

I must confess to anyone that reads this that I have been wrong. Severely wrong. I have been searching for Him in the wrong place. Asking the wrong questions. Thank God for best friends and future roommates who help nudge you back on path.

On Friday night our church had this ladies conference. Before the first session starts we're all just sitting in chairs chatting a bit. I'm sitting next to Michelle who sits next to Ashley A., who sits next to Ashley W. Michelle and I are just talking and catching up (since we NEVER get to see each other! :[ ) All the sudden I just start crying. Not in an obvious way, but Michelle and can tell something isn't right. I explained to her that it was just so weird being here with her (Ash), but not BEING with her. It used to be that when she walked in the same building I knew she was there even if I couldn't see her. Now we sat on opposite ends of the bench and barely said two words. I mean, it's bad enough that I don't feel at home in my church, but with things having gone so a rye between she and I, it was hard to feel anything but pain.

Anyway, fast forward to today (Monday). I'm driving home from my college classes and call Chauncey so see what's up. I really had no intention on telling her what happened this weekend, but you know what it's like when you get two girls talking! haha! Well, I didn't even get a chance to finish the story, but she knew my heart anyway. She knew what was going on. Later this evening I get a voicemail from her. She tells me that sometimes, just like Ash and I were so close yet not together in spirit, Father is so close to us, but WE don't cling to Him.

He longs to captivate us. For us to notice. It's just like girls and guys. Why is it that girls spend hours getting all dolled up for prom? I'll tell you why. It's because when we walk down those stairs (or aisle when you get married) you want to take the breath away from the man on the other side. You want him to be captivated not only by your outward beauty, but the beauty of your heart. You want him to have eyes for only you. Father wants to do that same things. Only He didn't walk down stairs or an aisle. He walked down a dusty road surrounded by people yelling and spitting on him. He walked through a riot with a huge cross on the shoulder. He didn't get His hair done at some salon. He wore a crown of thorns instead. He was unrecognizable, but not for good. But even though He looked more like and animal than human, He was more beautiful than all the Lord's creations.

Father wants to captivate us with His beauty. He reveals His beauty everyday in nature. From the trees blowing in the wind, the flowers popping up, the birds singing in the air, or the fields of green grass. Let Him captivate you. Stop trying to captivate things and people of this world. Humans will always let you down. The One who created you will NEVER let you fall.

I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
where I would impress you
with every single word I said.
Would come out insightful or brave or smooth or charming
and you'd want to call me
And I would be there every time
you'd need me
I'd be there every time...
But for now I'll look so longingly
waiting...
For you to want me, for you to need me, for you to notice me
-For You to Notice
Dashboard Confessional